Sarah, I completely understand how you feel. I am in a very similar situation. Just know, although our pain is silenced, we are not alone. I feel like other parents simply dismiss our cases regarding how disconnected our other parent can be in a household, even though they live under the same roof. They can be so distant to the point where it almost feels like you are co-parenting under the same house. It can also be more mentally damaging to a child with a family dynamic like that. I think it’s safe to assume that any angle of parenting can be super tough. For us “married single moms,” we need to come up with another term so the real “single moms” aren’t feeling like we are silencing their daily struggles…even though other moms are doing that to us.😊

No, it’s really not. The post is about understanding that single motherhood is MORE than feeling like you’re doing it alone – it has it’s own unique stresses and situations that are not bigger or lesser than co-parenting/couplehood.

It’s INSANELY presumptious of you to say that “single moms get help from social services” – do you not see how you are stereotyping single moms in your statement? We’re not all low income, on social services, etc. This type of stereotyping is not helpful. Also the statement that a single mom wouldn’t hope for help – in my experience, the single moms attempting to co-parent with an ex (which not all of us are) who aren’t helpful, have their hearts broken regularly, watching their children be disappointed and hurt time and time again.

I spoke to many married couples while writing and editing this piece – from military spouses, to women whose husbands travel and work shift work. I have incredible empathy for all types of situations and I even speak to them in these piece. This was an attempt to shed some light on how this term is unkind, dismissive and stereotyping.

I definitely have not seen or received any of these so-called financial benefits. If anything, I have been treated harsher while buying property or making investments because as a single person I am considered a “risky investor” – despite my income or assets. I’m assuming you mean benefits for “low income families” which aren’t specific to single parents. It’s also one of the negative assumptions of single parenthood that we MUST be low income.
While your personal observations in your immediate friend group may be that people help out more, that is not the case for many of us. The only childcare I have received I’ve either paid for or swapped for – just like any parent. I’ve actually been the friend always offering to help my married friends out with childcare so they can have a date night, and it’s usually assumed that I wouldn’t need or appreciate the same offer. I should note that I’m not divorced, so I don’t have times when my child is in the care of an ex-partner; there are some differences between “full time” single parents and “divorced” single parents – but I wouldn’t be able to speak to that more broadly.

Sarah Says is 100% right. There are a lot of financial benefits that you receive as a single parent that actually put you in a better position than a married couple. You don’t have to consult with or do extra housework for another adult when you’re single. Also people are more empathetic to single parents and are more willing to help. I always see single parents being offered child care because people feel bad for them and want to give them a break. The single mothers I know have way more personal time than married mothers

The whole point is that it DOES matter what term they use. People are going to be stubborn and entitled to this term no matter how many good points or emphasizing I give. I put a post out into the world that let people know that this phrase offends and hurts REAL single parents because it invalidates and overlooks their real experience, and also frames single parenthood in a negative light.
If someone wants to continue using that term – that’s their choice, but they are also choosing that now knowing that it may cause hurt and offence to their ACTUAL single parent friends. (And it’s not “unintentional” hurt anymore, because you’ve been informed why this may be hurtful – and have chosen that your entitlement to the term is more important.)
Do you select single on forms at the bank? Do you select single when filling out a social media profile? If the answer is no, then you are not a single parent. You may be unsupported or lonely – in which case, why not speak to the REAL issue rather than use this offensive term?

Hi Yukine,
I’m going to assume you spent more time writing this comment than you did reading my post. Your vitriolic comment doesn’t deserve a response – no part of my post contains hate or judgment. It explains how single parenthood is different (the GOOD and the unseen) and serves to encourage people to be more thoughtful when using this term. However, your own righteous indignation didn’t allow you to read past the headline – you decided what this post was about without opening your heart and mind.
When I wrote this post 5 years ago, I made sure to clarify that lonely or negative partnerships are something separate. There is no need to co-opt a term and make single parenting seem NEGATIVE, which this term conveys. What you are is in an unhappy marriage, lonely, and pissed off. You have every right to be – and you have every ability to change your reality, for yourself and your children.
If you choose to change your circumstances, you will find a wonderful community of single mothers who are willing to hold you up and support you. I will be the first one to send you budgeting tips, encouragement, or lend an ear.
I hope 2020 brings you what you are looking for, but leaving hateful comments on blog posts that have repaired friendships and made one of society’s most judged groups of women feel seen and heart is not the way to do that.

Exactly! Thank you for pointing out this blind spot.

I also feel like when they go on to complain, they also unintentionally highlight ways we are so different. “He works 60 hours a week so I’m alone with the kids” – wait, there are 60 hours of income coming into your home that YOU didn’t have to earn yourself, and you get to enjoy your children during that time?! How many single moms could only dream of that? I have sympathy for the loneliness and the overwhelm, but the negative labeling and comparing help no one.